Mary had left her husband a year ago after he had an affair with a colleague at work. Three months later she met a fantastic new man.
David was attentive, loving, kind and funny. She loved being with him, and the sex was fabulous. There was just one problem. He didn’t seem to want to make a commitment to her. He said he never wanted to get married or live with anyone again. He wanted to maintain his independence even though he said he loved her.
Mary couldn’t get her head around this. She obsessed about what he was doing when they were apart. In her mind, if he truly loved her wouldn’t he want to be with her every day? Whilst Mary enjoyed their time together, she started to feel insecure about his feelings for her. She convinced herself this new man was playing around behind her back, just like her husband. As a result their relationship broke down and they stopped seeing each other. Mary later learned that David was heartbroken as he had truly loved her. He was in fact a wonderful man who had also been hurt in a previous relationship. He had decided as a result of his experience, he would never lose himself with a woman again and would maintain his independence at all costs.
Mary was devastated when she and David broke up. She had loved him so passionately and yet with her new understanding she realised there was a part of her that had held back from the intimacy she craved. She just could not let go of her fear of betrayal.
She also realised her fear had nothing to do with David and everything to do with her own pain. It took her some time, but as she listened to the truth that spoke from the heart of her, she began to realise she had the power to heal her life. She was the only person who could. No matter how sad she was, no matter how devastated she felt, the truth was she had created her own reality.
Through fear, she had allowed her past to create her future. She had been so focused on her own sense of having been betrayed, she had failed to see David was also in pain, that he had been trying to tell her his own truth. If she had taken the time to listen perhaps they could have shared their fears and learned to move beyond them to a new life.
Mary had been struggling with the understanding that it was her own fears which had destroyed her relationship with the lovely David. Whilst she acknowledged the truth, she was angry with herself for allowing the past to have so much power in her present life. However, she also knew if she didn’t accept and forgive herself she was potentially doomed to repeat the same behaviour in the future. She was determined to learn from her latest loss and ensure the experience was not a waste.
As she looked at herself in the mirror, she saw a woman with wariness in her eyes. She knew she needed to learn to trust the world again, and herself for that matter. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. When she felt calmer, she raised her eyes again to the mirror and saw a clarity that had not been there a minute ago. She understood she had made a choice in that second to let the past go, accept her fear and overcome her distrust of others. It would take practice, she knew, but the lightness of spirit she felt let her know she was on her way.
Mary was finally able to let go of her anger at herself for destroying her relationship with David. She acknowledged her fear and distrust had been a large part of the reason things had not worked out for them. She also recognised it was due in part to David’s experiences. They each had issues they needed to work out before they could ever have hoped to have a future together. It took some time but when she stopped thinking about David and put her energies into her own life, she learned to heal herself.
Suddenly it wasn’t about her loss but rather about her gain. She had found herself, and it was as if she had been waiting her entire life for this. She felt complete and whole. She knew then that she had been missing from the centre of her life. Everywhere she looked she saw beauty. Her journey had transformed her experience, and she knew she would never look at the world in the same way again. Her perceptions had altered. She was free for the first time in her life.
By deciding to let her pain and guilt go, Mary was able to move beyond her disappointment over the loss of her relationship with David to a place of personal power, forgiveness and love. She took responsibility for her life, and from her disillusionment came a new reality.
She discovered she was a strong and independent woman with the world at her feet. She could create her life in any direction she chose. She was no longer bound by her old belief’s and understandings but free to move into a life completely her own. Now and again she wondered how David was getting on but she had let any possibility of the two of them together, go. His life was up to him just as she had discovered she was the creator of her own.