Don’t you hate it when people say ‘let it go’ or ‘just move on’? It sounds so trite, so simplistic and you and I both know that when your relationship ends, letting go can feel impossible. Not only have you lost someone you have shared everything with, but also your hopes and dreams for the future. A future that now stretches in front of you in an endless stream of nothingness. A future so terrifying that you cannot begin to imagine how you will live it.
And if you let go of the life you had for so many years, where does that leave you? With all your energy focused on the life you had together, suddenly you don’t have a purpose.
Now that it’s just you, it doesn’t feel enough.
You don’t feel enough.
And so you stay stuck in the moment when everything you knew about yourself, everything you knew about your life and everything you knew about your future, was shattered.
Paralysed by the shock of the reality of the changes you face and feeling powerless to do anything else.
Staying exactly where you are, in some kind of limbo waiting for the pain to end, waiting for you to feel better, waiting for someone to help you, is the most painful place of all. You can wait your whole life away …
letting go is hard but sometimes holding on is harder
The only person who can stop the waiting and the only one who can ease the pain, is you. Without you, your life will be controlled by circumstances beyond your control, you will constantly live in fear of what disaster will befall you next.
I think I am afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens
Whether you realise it or not, you already have everything you need inside you. Within you is all the power you will ever need. You hold more power than you could possibly imagine and you can use this power to hold on tightly to what is gone, or to build something new.
life goes on, whether you choose to move on and take a chance on the unknown or stay behind locked in the past thinking of what could have been.
Your power exists in this moment, right now. You have only to reach out and claim it. Perhaps it is hiding away in a dark corner, covered in cobwebs, lost a long time ago but waiting patiently until you decide to find it again. I promise you that even if you can’t see it, it is still there. You are still here.
Your power is you. You cannot live without you. You will exist – that is all.
I don’t know about you, but that is not enough for me.
If you agree that it’s not enough for you, if you can say ‘amen’ to this statement, then you have reclaimed your power. In this moment you have decided you will not allow this event to define your life. You have chosen to stop being a victim, chosen to stand up for yourself and chosen to be more than you ever thought possible.
You do not need to ‘let go’ but simply to take a step toward you. As you become completely connected to you, everything which doesn’t belong in your life simply falls away.
- Start small
- Take yourself for a walk in nature
- Start a journal to record your thoughts and feelings
- Try something new
- Help someone
- Show kindness
- Make a new friend
And before you know it, these simple actions will begin to show you who you are. They will allow you to rediscover the person you are and help you define who you want to be. Slowly but surely, little by little you will build a new foundation for your life. A foundation which can never be shaken, can never be taken away from you and one that you can build your life on for the whole of your life.
Do not look ahead but simply focus on this moment right now. Today, in this second you are creating your future. You don’t need to know how it will look as it will unfold before you as beautifully as a butterfly wing. Connect with you, keep you at the centre and follow your heart.
Sure you will have sad days. There will be times when you feel overwhelmed by your emotions. Days when you question yourself and feel lost and alone. But when those moments come, accept that they are a part of you just now, allow them to be and bring yourself back to you.
And one day you will discover that you don’t hurt so much. That in fact you went a whole day without thinking about your partner, a whole week without thinking about your old life. One day you will realise you have found peace within yourself and that you can smile again. One day you will understand that you are free from the past, that you have ‘let go’ without realising it and that your life is your own.
This is a day to celebrate. This is the day you will know you have found yourself, found your best friend and that you are finally living. No longer existing as a shell of the person you once were, but living fully, enjoying each moment and with hope for the future. Building your life one moment at a time and open to what the future brings knowing that you are strong enough, brave enough, loving enough, fabulous enough … enough. More than enough.
You have said ‘Goodbye’.